Birth to Death Without Ever Leaving Wal-Mart

The American Dream for Less.
You get what you pay for...

Wal-Mart University is the newest frontier the good ol' boys in Arkansas have planned for our future workforce. No need to worry about all those hard courses in school because now all you need to know is what Wal-Mart wants you to know. No more need to worry about ever having to expand your horizons or explore various aspects of life because you will never need to leave Wal-Mart.

The idea is simple: Wal-Mart needs more people with managerial skills so they ask our government to start offering Wal-Mart curriculum in community colleges and the lucky students have a head start in the exciting field of store management.

So Wal-Mart is moving into education now... How long before Wal-Mart will start offering housing and medical services? Once that is completed the only things modern life requires will be details easily acquired by the behemoth that is that glistening cube of white hope on the horizon. From birth to death spent under the nurturing florescent lights overseen by the friendly greeter who waves to you on your way to work in Aisle 16 or on your way home to that nice little duplex with a garden in Aisle 37. Your kids will be born over in the healthcare center (which you'll have to pay for out of pocket because Wal-Mart won't offer you health insurance benefits) and no need to retire because your meager wages will never allow you the ability to save a spare dime so when your final breath is exhaled and you drop the jar of mayonnaise you were stocking on the shelves, as life slowly leaves your body the final sound your dying ears hear will be, "Clean-up on Aisle 12... Can I get a clean-up on Aisle 12?"