It's the first moments of November, the month of my birth, and this one thing keeps running through my mind and dancing upon what little fragments of esteem my "self" still clings onto with compulsive delusions: "Why?"
Why am I concerned about anything that this world has to say anymore? There are so many voices out there and nobody seems to have any control over the reality of our predicament. Everyday it seems I hear another voice telling me it is all over, we will see the end in our days. Then another voice fights back that we must make drastic changes or we will all perish. And then yet another voice shouts out with indignation that we are on the right path and must stay the course. And these voices just circle around my consciousness like moths straining to enter into the light and in the end they all just burn up in reality's brutal glare. The reality is that no ones knows what the hell is going on and when ever anything happens it catches us all with our pants down looking stunned and stupid.
The war, the hurricanes, the terrorism, the economy, the crime and the racism and the suffering is all a suprise to everyone because no one expected humanity of such inhumanity. In hindsight we are all arguing over whose to blame and what to do and how we are right and they are wrong. One side will say it was obvious that we were headed for trouble and the other will say the trouble was there from the beginning. It's all a big catastrophe because they don't have any morals and our god is taking his vengeance out on their evil ways. And in the end it is everyone's fault because humanity is inhumane. Caring doesn't pay the bills. And you know what, in the end it's all gonna end so what are you gonna do about it?
Why all the focus on morals too? Whose morals, yours or mine? There's a good chance my morals differ drastically from yours and who's to say either one of us is right? Whose morals are at fault? Is it mine? Is it because I don't believe in god that this world is going to hell in a handbasket? Or is it because so many people follow a god that doesn't exist? Do they believe in god the creator or "godTM" that is sold on TV by spiritual salesman offering salvation for low monthly payments and the god that hates fags and feminists and fucking? And why can't believers agree on what they believe in? How are nonbelievers supposed to take their argument seriously when they don't even take their own kind seriously? Forget about all the different gods out there stirring up wars and oppression but focus on just one god - any one of 'em. Whose to say that every sect of christianity is wrong but the Jehovah's Witnesses, or the Southern Baptists, or the Christian Scientists, or the Jews For Jesus, or the lost but not forgotten Branch Davidians? Are they all not just fastfood chains shucking out edible byproducts to impatient consumers with no concern for nutritious content? When did a person's soul become a commodity to be bought through spiritual free trade? It was Jesus who said "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. And I give unto them eternal life." Now it is his sheep who have been devoured by the wolves of power and money just as so many other sheep of different flocks. They all have been herded into factions and made pawns of war. The moral crusaders fight on with contrived notions of morality spun intricately out of writings in an ancient tome that is said to be the word of whatever god they are pushing and thread throughout the fabric of societies until we are all tightly wound in their web of obedience. These morals that keep us from pleasuring in the flesh and pleasuring in the mind so that we may one day be rewarded with pleasures of the soul. The problem with deals where the payment comes in the back end is that the payee usually ends up taking it in the ass. So I'm sorry god but no deal for you. If you want my services I want half up front and the final half upon completion. Yes that's right, I want pleasures now and pleasures when I am done with this life. If you can't agree with those conditions I'll just have to take my business elsewhere. That's how we deal now in corporate spirituality. You can thank your salesmen Osama, Falwell and the 700 Thug for them apples.
They all say they are about love and compassion but condemn acts of love and show compassion to none who oppose them. What is it that we all want salvation from anyway? Are we asking for salvation from god? Doesn't say much for god if the guy can supposedly create the heavens and earth but can't control a bit of bad temper. No, I guess we're asking for salvation from ourselves. Seems to be right, how else can you explain the popularity of daytime talkshows other than that we really hate who we are and want everyone to make amends for our wicked ways.
Everyone wants salvation but it seems to be that everyone's idea of it is totally different. The notion that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are ideals worth dying for have been trampled by a chanting chorus of bigger, better and faster; which is clashing with symphonies of Who Would Jesus Damn which is utterly out of tune with the hippie jamfest of peaceniks and treehuggers. So in come the insurance salesman to offer us a deal on our souls. "Pay now and we guarantee your soul eternal security." Call it afterlife insurance. How do you get salvation and where do you buy it? Who has the best rates and the lowest deductables? What's in the fine print, what are the rules? Who should we hate and when should we kill them?
Everywhere you go there is someone who says they can offer you insight on the path to righteousness. And with all these voices screaming out for attention the average American mind changes the channel and listens to the battling voices on American Idol. With all the voices wanting to be heard it is almost funny how no one is really listening. It's just too many voices and too little time on this planet to care anymore.
So if it's all going to end then why not go out with a bang? Let's leave an unmistakable mark here for future civilizations to debate over and future fundamentalist zealots to deny the existence of. Why not cut down every tree, mine every rock, pump out every last drop of oil? Once we've turned the earth inside out we'll ignite every bomb we've got and send the whole place up in a blaze of glory letting god know that the deal is off, he can have his fucking planet back and forget about any future payments because he sold us insurance on souls he never gave us.